Sunday, September 13, 2009

Palpatine Ticked

Palpatine Angry over Unauthorized Use of Baby Photo
By Aimes Black
UNITED STATES - An ancient photograph, discovered by ad agency Walsh, Kirk and Williams (New York, USA) and used to sell Georgia-Pacific's Angel Soft® unscented bathroom tissue, may no longer grace the package of toilet paper if the paper manufacturer complies with an unofficial "cease and desist order" issued on Friday.

"Because of the extreme age of the photograph," said WK&W spokesman David Mulkins, "we felt certain that any copyright that may have existed must have expired by now. We continue to assert that legally the photograph is in the public domain."

Mulkins would not disclose exactly how they came into possession of the photograph approximately three years ago. He did confirm that the photograph is indeed of His Imperial Majesty Emperor Palpatine of the Galactic Empire, Leader of the Imperial Senate, and was taken when he was approximately 10 months old.

Palpatine at 10 Months on Angel Soft
The photograph in question as it appears on the package (courtesy Georgia-Pacific)

Further mystery surrounds exactly who was able to travel so far back in time and so far across space so as to alert the former Senator Palpatine, shortly after solidifying his position as Emperor.

The Emperor has reportedly dispatched a small squadron of Imperial Stormtroopers to "rectify the situation", according to an unnamed source, speaking on condition of anonymity.

The Stormtroopers, although successful in traveling through space and time into the future, unfortunately did not account for the rotation of the earth, and are currently in Hawaii, attempting to board a Hawaiian Airlines flight to New York City. Complications involving having to remove their helmets, and trying to explain why they all look exactly alike, are causing unexpected delay.

dog emperor11
Emperor Palpatine (file photo)

© 2009 Los Angeles Times